I'm busy... PRAY MY STRENGTH!!!

I bought the coolest shirt not too long ago that says, "I'm busy... read my blog!" It's so cute... I was gonna make that the title of my blog... but I can't... BECAUSE I HAVEN'T BLOGGED IN GOD KNOWS HOW LONG!!! Shame on me!... a lot has happened, man!... Mostly great things... I can see where God is moving in my life!... which is very exciting!

JAMAICA... HERE I COME!!

Guys, I'M SOOO EXCITED!!!!! I don't know what to do with myself! I'm going to Jamaica in less than a week!

In less than a week... I'm gonna be away from my bills, my problems, AMERICA!!!!

In less than a week.... I'm gonna hang out with the coolest kids... with the coolest accents!!!

In less than a week... I'm gonna meet new people... and get closer to others from my church!

In less than a week... I'm gonna see God move like never before... I JUST KNOW IT!!!

In less than a week... I'm gonna HAVE THE BEST TIME OF MY LIFE!

Although I won't be able to blog when I'm there, I've decided to write in my journal my blogs and when I come back I'll post them on here... so you guys can know exactly how I felt...!!! I was talking to my friend last night and all I could think about, for the first time, were the cold showers... how I'm not gonna be able to eat as often as I would like... the big bugs... the heat... all selfish things!... THE DEVIL! I prayed that God continues to work on me so those things won't matter when I get there... I know it won't when I get there!!! I'm excited about the experience... of the testimonies that will come from this! Can't wait to tell you guys all about it!!! "GET READY.. GET READY.. GET READY!!!" *in the voice of Mr. Brown* This should be good!!!

ASFB Youth Conference

"How many of ya'll know" (every gospel artist says this just before they are about to get deep about their next song... pay attention next time!... lol)... that GOD IS IN THE BLESSING BUSINESS?!!... Well if you didn't know... then HE IS! I was blessed to have the opportunity to go to CeCe Winan's "Always Sisters, Forever Brothers" Youth Conference! I've been wanting to go to this conference for FOREVER!... Something would come up every year where I couldn't attend! This year... I JUST KNEW that I wasn't going... I just couldn't afford IT!... but God wanted me there!!! Someone made it possible for me to attend... AT THE VERY LAST MINUTE! GOD IS GOOD!!! I feel a difference since I've left! God definitely did a work on me! For so long I had been praying that God give me a supernatural experience with Him!!! I needed to feel His presence like I used to... I needed to be filled with the holy spirit!!! When I prayed this prayer, I was thinking that it was gonna happen in my room! lol... Like at that moment... BUT IT DIDN'T! I would feel Him... I knew He was there... but it wasn't what I wanted... what I felt like I needed!!! WELL... HE ANSWERED MY PRAYER AT THIS CONFERENCE! Every single day of the conference I felt Him.... felt his presence... was filled with the holy spirit! God revealed things to me... He made some things clear! It was awesome! I NEEDED THAT!! and it came right on time... Just as I was leaving for the mission trip! YESSSS, GOD!!!!

Count your blessings...

I was praying to God about how I needed Him to bless me... to send some Miraculous Manifestations because I just couldn't see how I could take care of my bills... of my debt... that kind of thing!...and guess what He said... lol... I LOVE HIM! He said, "Why would I bless you when you're not gonna tell anybody what I did? You're too prideful!" LOL... It reminded me of how God talked to AJ when she was spending time with Him! Why is God so real?!... He was so right though! I can remember on several occasions where God would bless me and I wouldn't tell anybody because all along I made it LOOK LIKE I was ok... like I wasn't going through anything! I'm too secretive... I care TOO MUCH about what others think of me that when God DOES bless me... I am TOO PRIDEFUL to even share what He did! I always felt like I couldn't share...as bad as I wanted to though! You get what I'm saying?! I made a promise to God that that would change! I have to let go of "MY EGO... CUZ IT'S TOO BIG... IT'S TOO WIDE!... IT'S TOO STRONG"... lol ... It doesn't FIT in with my walk with God! He is to get ALL THE GLORY... IT'S NOT ABOUT ME AT ALL!! So guys... I'm gonna have blogs just telling of all the things God has done for and through me from here on out! I'm letting go of PRIDE TODAY... IN JESUS' NAME! God will get the glory from this day forward... and people with be blessed by my testimony! I'm excited! lol... anyway... I'm off to work! Talk to you later!

UNTIL NEXT TIME,

P-CE!

HAPPY YOU DAY, MEL WATKINS!!!!

OK!!! This may be a short blog... We'll see!!... First of all... it's 12:23am! I should be in the bed! It's my Sunday to help with Children's Church! I think I have to be there at 8am! I may get there a little later... in fact... I'm sure I'm going to get there later! It's hard getting up for church! lol... I can get up for anything else... but Church?!!!... that's another story! lol DON'T ACT LIKE I'M BY MYSELF!!!! *singing* "I PRAY FOR YOU... YOU PRAY FOR ME!!!!!"

ANYWAY....

My friend Mel Watkins just graduated from University of Phoenix... I THINK!... lol!!!! She got her M.B.A.!!!! Yeeesssssss... MY GIRL!!!! I'm so happy for her! That's pretty darn cool to me!!! She is done with degree TWO... shoot... I'M STILL TRYING TO GET DEGREE ONE! lol... Dang, Mel!!!... You going for another?! I LOVE IT!!!... Anyway... She had a cookout at her house! It was soooo much fun!!!! THERE WAS SOOOO MUCH FOOD!!!... I'M TALKIN' LIKE A LOT!!! I remember seeing barbecue chicken, macaroni and cheese (WHICH WAS FIRE... NOT FYE... BUT FREAKIN' FI-YER!!!), baked beans, hamburgers, hot dogs... You name it... they had it! I ended up eating a hot dog, mac n cheese, and baked beans! I had just eaten at 5 guys... but I HAD to eat!!!... It would have been rude not to... LOL... right?! So yea... we talked..ATE...laughed...I ATE...danced...SANG...I ATE AGAIN!!! It was fun! I love being around these girls!!... THEY FEED ME... AND WE HAVE A GOOD TIME!!!! Now that's what I'm talking about!!!

I should be sleep...

Anyway... I met a girl at the party tonight! I wish I could remember her name... but she really encouraged me, man!!! GOSH!!!! I WISH I REMEMBERED HER NAME!!!!... Wait! I don't think I ever asked what her name was?! MELISSA?!.. WHAT'S HER NAME?! I think I remember her saying... "oooo that's, Stix!" or something like that!!! She said that she reads my blog! I mean... she really was telling me everything she read!!! I couldn't believe it! I had to tell Melissa who was sitting close by! She started talking about my blogs.. as she spoke... I realized that she was talking about my blog about the 4th!!!! I was sooo shocked! She read a pretty recent blog, DUDE!! I asked her if she liked it... and she said that she did! A girl named Jessica Malenga was sitting close by and asked what I blog about... My blog follow friend (lol... just made that up!) responded and told her that I blog about my day... about nothing sometimes... AND IT'S INTERESTING!!!!!... all her words!!! YYYYEEEEESSSSSS!!!!!! That's what I wanted to hear! She also said that she would go back every now and then and saw that I hadn't updated!!! She was really interested in what I was doing every day!!! OH.... EM... GEE (OMG)!!! How FRIKKIN' COOL!!! I never thought anyone other than my friends would read my blogs!... AND LIKE IT! That's pretty exciting! It encouraged me to continue on!... I love blogging... I love for people to read my blogs... I'M GONNA CONTINUE TO BLOG!!! SO THANK YOU, MY FELLOW BLOG FOLLOW FRIEND!!! :) I really appreciate you reading my blogs!!! COME BACK NAH, YA HEAR?! lol... I found out later that she doesn't even have a blog... She just loves reading blogs! Cool!!!! I LOVE IT!

Goodnight!!!!

Ok... I'm SLEEPY! I am so tired from all that dancing and singing!!!! It's time for me to go to bed!!!! I'm excited about hanging out with the kids in the morning!!! STIX LOVES THE KIDS!!!! LOL... LAME!!

Until next time,

PCE!

I'M OFF! YYYEEESSSS!!!!!

Ok... So... I don't know what to do with myself! I have an entire day off... with no errands to run! I LOVE IT... If I wanted to, I could just sit in the house and do nothing!... or go to my favorite park!!!... I know for sure I'm gonna stop by Aj's! It's been a minute since we've just chilled at her apartment! I miss those days, man! On the most random days, I would go over there and we would just sit and chat about any and everything! Now that I'm working more... We just can't seem to get our schedules together!!! So yea... TO AJ'S HOUSE I GO!!!

"I LOVE NEW YORK!!!"

For the last day in a half, I've been in New York!!! lol... Well not really... My friends Melissa and Sabrina have been in New York!!... but Melissa has been really doing an amazing job of updating her twitter so I definitely feel like I've been walking the streets with them!!! WHY DID THESE GIRLS GET A FREE TRIP TO NEW YORK TO A MAXWELL CONCERT?!... WHAT THE FREAKIN' HEEZY!!!!! Miraculous Manifestation?! I THINK SO!!! lol! I was sooo happy for them!!! Not only are they in the very AREA that I want to spend a few years living... but they were with MY MAN!!! My new man for the last two months!!!! Are you kidding me?! That is sooo cool! I tell you man... I have the coolest friends in the world!!! I will be picking them up from the airport at around 5:30!... I can't wait to hear more about it! Oh and I get to meet Melissa's mom! I'm super excited AND... HER MOM HAS 'LOCKS, DUDE!!! How cool is that?! I wish my mom would be cool and grow some 'locks!!! She's too much of a diva for all that though! lol

"HUMAN NATURE"

*A MOMENT OF SILENCE FOR MICHAEL JACKSON*

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Ok... So did you guys see the memorial?!... Yea, i know!... that probably was a stupid question!!!! I was sooo pleased with the service! God was glorified... Great things were said about Michael Jackson... and hopefully soon He will be able to R.est I.n P.eace!!! I really enjoyed Stevie Wonder and Usher's performances!!!! They were great!!!! Pastor Lucius' (sp?) prayer at the end was amazing too!!! BUT JOHN MAYER WAS THE HIGHLIGHT FOR ME!!!!! First of all He is soooo freakin' adorable... and secondly... He STOOD OUT!!! Most of you know that I hate doing things like everyone else!!! I HAVE to be different!!!... I HAVE to stand out! It's just who I am! John Mayer got up there and played... didn't sing a note... just PLAYED!!!! My goodness!!! I could hardly hold it together!!! I've always dreamed that I would have the opportunity to do that! I can't sing... everyone on my dad's side can freakin' blow... and They sing all over the world!!! I picked up the guitar because I wanted to be different.... I can't sing (lol)... and I want to be in the spotlight just playing and worshipping GOD!!!!! Wouldn't that be awesome?! I've always dreamed of having my own all girl CHRISTIAN ROCK BAND!!... lead guitar.... giving God all the glory!!!!... I want my music to be used to save souls, man!!! I'm telling you... John Mayer had me dreaming again!!! It's been awhile since I've sat and thought about what all I want to do musically!!!! SO GLAD I WAS ABLE TO WATCH THAT!!!... I loved it!!!!

R.I.P, MICHAEL JOSEPH JACKSON!!!!

Michael Jackson is loved!!!!! He loved the world... His heart was big!!!!! He deserved that memorial!!! He was a great man!!!... The media has tried so hard to make him a bad person... I was sooo glad his daughter, Paris got up there and spoke! Her words proved that he was great!!!!... that he was kind... and loving!!!!... pretty much the total opposite of what the media says! Michael's life ministered... Shoot!... it still ministers!!!!!!!

Anyway... I'm OFF... IT'S TIME FOR ME TO DO SOMETHING ELSE WITH MY TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HA... HERE'S JOHN MAYER'S PERFORMANCE IF YOU WANT TO WATCH IT AGAIN....

Until next time,

PCE!

"girly,GIRL!"

As promised... I'm gonna talk about the photo shoot!... but before I do that... I want to talk a little about the 4th!!!!!

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!!!!

I HAD TO WORK THAT MORNING... what the heezy?!... Who goes to OLIVE GARDEN on the 4th of July?!!!... I think I waited on a total of 5 tables... from 11am until like 3:30!!! MADNESS!!!!.... It's ok though!!... It was really nice outside so I was looking forward to leaving that place... taking a nap... waking up... and going with the girls downtown to see the fireworks!... WHY when I woke up it was raining cows, monkeys, and giraffes?! I WAS SO SAD, MAN! This was my first 4th away from home and it was beginning to look bad!!!!... BUT... I ENDED UP HAVING A BLAST!!! Sabrina got a babysitting job at the last minute ( HALLELUJAH.... PRAISE THE LORD), so the kids were gonna tag a long with us! I was soooo excited!!! I love hanging out with kids! So... I get to their house and I am WARMLY GREETED by the most gorgeous kids I've EVER seen!!! I MEAN BEAUTIFUL!!! lol... and they called me STIX!!! AHHH... I LOVE IT! I don't know how to spell their names so we're just gonna call them Girl and Boy K! :) They entertained us... THEY HAD MY STOMACH HURTING FROM LAUGHING SO HARD! I was in love!! lol... Girl K can sing, dude!!! and she had the most beautiful, long legs! She's 12... it's so obvious that she's athletic! She motivated me to run! My legs are SO gonna look like that! lol BOY K... IS A MESS!!! TOO CUTE... He has this amazing ear when it comes to music! The things he would hear in a song amazed me!... HE'S ONLY 7,GUYS! They both are gonna be great musicians! I just know it!!! They were sooo free... so happy... AND THEY LOVED MUSIC!! PERFECT... I want them... I wonder if they are for sell... Maybe I can buy two at Walmart... I'll check that out!... but yea... We didn't go see fireworks... We went to the movies to see Hannah Montana instead!!! I WAS SOOO EXCITED! I wanted to see that soooo bad when it came out... I WAS EVEN MORE EXCITED WHEN I FOUND OUT IT WAS AT THE DOLLAR MOVIE....DA BUSINESS!!!!!!!!!!! This is getting long... and I still have to talk about the photo shoot... so speeding this up.... THE MOVIE WAS GREAT!!!... I HAVE 3 SONGS THAT I'M GONNA LEARN HOW TO PLAY THIS WEEK... I WAS STRAIGHT UP TAKING NOTES IN MY PHONE!!!... That movie was the motivation I needed to get back on the guitar!!! I'M READY MAN!!! LOL

Moving right along...

So me, Renee, and Jelly were talking the other day about what it means to be "girly, girl!" lol... We had the longest list of things that make up a girly, girl... and in all honesty... THEY ARE SOOO GIRLY, GIRLS!!!! LOL... They don't think so, but God and I know the business! Anyway... that conversation was all I could think about as Melissa was getting me ready for the photo shoot!!! IT WAS ALL SO GIRLY, GIRL!... LOL... so not ME!... but I enjoyed every bit of it!!! My nails were HOT PINK... I got my BUSHY eyebrows arched... Mel made up my face... put my hair up in the coolest mohawk...and I wore the shortest skirt known to man... GIRLY, GIRL!!! lol... I felt soooo comfortable in that skirt though! That's a first! I HATE SKIRTS AND DRESSES!!!.. HATE IT... HATE IT... HATE IT!... but for some odd reason it didn't bother me to wear it...Maybe because I knew it was for the photo shoot... I wouldn't be caught dead in that skirt if I were just going out! But yea... MELISSA DID AN AMAZING JOB styling us! She is the bomb, man! I can't wait to see how God moves her! She's gonna do big things! I just know it!... We took the pics downtown on the bridge! Let me go back just a little... This photo shoot wasn't about me at all! Sabrina needed a model for her portfolio... to show that she can work with other people and still look extra FAB!!!... I'm not a model... Get it?!... ok moving on!... so yea The photographer's name was Ginger!!!... a sweetheart! She was good too!!... She seemed to like us!!!! Sabrina was sooo FREAKIN' FIERCE!... The girl is the bomb!!! I was shocked! I didn't know she was that good! I loved watching her!!! Me on the other hand... LOL... I think I did ok! It wasn't really about me so it didn't matter! but yea... Overall... it was a great photo shoot! Everything went smoothly and I think she got some good shots!.. We'll see when she sends us the pictures next week!!! Maybe I'll post a few... We'll see!!!! After that... my feet were hurting... and King Stomach was singing a song that I hadn't heard in awhile!... It was time...

... TO EAT!!!

The whole time we were downtown all I could think about was food!!! I was trying to do like Sabrina and not eat before the shoot... MIND YOU... the shoot was at 6:30! Y'ALL KNOW I DIDN'T DO THAT RIGHT?! lol... I showed up to Sabrina and Mel's at like 1:00 with two corn dogs and an oreo blast from Sonic... AT LEAST I ATE LIGHT, RIGHT?! lol My stomach was surprisingly very flat! Sabrina's strategy works... don't eat... IT'S HARD THOUGH... So when we were done with the shoot... I had to get some real food in my stomach! We went to Demo's!!! I had only been one time before and that was 4 years ago... I couldn't remember what it was like but I didn't really care! I WAS HUNGRY!! The wait was 40 minutes long! I DIDN'T THINK I WOULD MAKE IT! God did something cuz I made it! COME ON, SOMEBODY!!! We got a free appetizer... which was ok but I was hungry!... It didn't even matter... I ended up getting the Fettuccine Imperial! It was sooo good! It was basically a fettuccine alfredo with chicken, ham, and my favorite... MUSHROOMS!!! IT WAS SOOO GOOD! I LICKED THE PLATE CLEAN! lol... Well I left maybe a piece of chicken... which I could have eaten but I felt super fat after Melissa looked at my plate and BUCKED her eyes in amazement! lol... THEY SHOULD KNOW ME BY NOW! Anyway... I'm about to take a nap before I head to work!!!! I'm supposed to go to this two year old's birthday party but I don't think that's gonna happen!!!!

Until next time,

PCE!

LIFE CAN BE SO FRIKKIN' BLAH... ugh!

Mel Watkins told me yesterday that I was slackin with my blog!!! I told her that I haven't been happy lately... I can't blog if I'm not happy!!!... She told me that's when I'm supposed to write... UGH!!! BUT... I want people to laugh when they read my blog... NOT FEEL SORRY FOR ME... I hate pity parties... I feel more comfortable just dealing with it on my own... I don't trust a lot of people! Who knows what they would do or say if they knew what i was REALLY going through?!... BUT HERE I AM... BLOGGING... because it has become a part of my life... and I feel so good afterwards... so here it is... BLOG #17...

"DIARY OF A..."

DUDE!!!... Lately... I have been one bitter, unhappy MUG! (lol... remember that word?) It's been bad... I've been snapping on people for no reason!... Little stuff that people around me have been doing has been pissing me off!!!... I mean to the point that I just want to tell them about themselves!!!! SO NOT COOL... It's like I'm turning into my old self!!!... "THE OLD STIX" The old Stix didn't care one bit about your (in general) feelings or what you were going through... The old Stix would tell you about yourself in the rudest, most blunt way... and smile like she gave you the biggest compliment... The old Stix wasn't fake... if she didn't like you... YOU KNEW IT! I feel like I'm going back there! I just want to tell people about themselves... I just want to cut people out of my life and start over! I'M SO FRIKKIN' BITTER! This is not who I am.. God has delivered me!... Why am I going back?!... Why am I giving in?!... Where is my freakin' strength?!

I feel like I need to apologize to some people!!! If I've hurt any one's feelings or just had the worst attitude with you... PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!! I really didn't mean it... I have to learn how to deal with my frustration and my anger... You shouldn't have to suffer because I'm going through!!!!

and the list goes on...

In the last few days, I've been receiving random phone calls from my family telling me that I'm making bad decisions... and I need to come home!... My bills are literally PILING UP... My job sucks... I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING WITH MY MUSIC... My dad and I can't seem to talk without arguing!... I'VE HAD A HEADACHE THAT JUST WON'T GO AWAY!!!... and the list goes on... and on... AND FREAKIN' ON!!!! "IS THIS WHAT MY LIFE IS GOING TO BE LIKE?!... HOW THE HECK DID I GET HERE?!" These last few days have been hard... I've been working non stop and it is really doing a number on my body! It's not fun running around all day for hours with no break waiting on people! I really think it's time for me to transition out of there... "BUT TO WHERE, GOD?!" Where do You want me to go?... What should I be doing right now?! This is where my frustration lies... Do I go home?... Do I stay? JESUS, LORD! I CAN'T TAKE IT!... I'm literally fighting back tears right now... I don't like feeling like this!!! So SAINTS, KEEP ME IN YOUR PRAYERS!!!! It's much deeper than this... but because I'M SO FREAKIN' SECRETIVE... AND I CARE TOO MUCH ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK... I can't completely put it out there like I want!!! So just stand in agreement with me... That I will come out of this... That God is going to speak... and I won't be stuck... I KNOW THAT NONE OF THIS IS OF GOD... God doesn't operate in confusion... It's just not HIM... God doesn't want me to be angry.. IT IS JUST NOT WHO HE IS!!!

Maybe I'm just experiencing spiritual warfare... LORD GIVE ME THE STRENGTH TO HANDLE IT! My mentor keeps telling me to stay focused... She doesn't really know what I'm going through... but maybe the enemy is trying to distract me... and keep me from focusing on what God wants to do for me spiritually before I take off for Jamaica!... WHO KNOWS... I'm kind of tired of trying to figure it out!!!!!...

This blog is so freakin' depressing, MAN!.. This is so not me... I gotta come out of this... and FAST!

IN OTHER NEWS...

My photo shoot was yesterday!... I'll probably talk about it later today!!! yea... I will!!!! I need to get myself together before work!!!!

Until next time,

PCE!