"JESUS.... TAKE THE FREAKIN' WHEEL!!! "

HELP!!!!

I don't know what the HECK is wrong with me!!! I'm sooo not myself these days! Ever since I came back from Memphis, I've been in this funk that I can't explain. All I want to do is sleep...sleep... and sleep some more!!! I've tried lifting my spirits... doing more to keep my mind off of where I am in life... but it's not working!... Wait... I just got a revelation! There's my problem... I'm doing everything in my OWN STRENGTH!!! I haven't talked to God about it... I'm not spending enough time with Him.... I just gotta step my game up... and FOCUS!!!! I'm depressed because I've allowed myself to be... I don't have to be this way... I can easily look to God and allow Him to handle it... but it doesn't seem as easy as it used to... WHAT THE HECK?!... Ugh!.. let me stop before you guys think I'm crazy... lol... Reading back over it... I'm beginning to think I'm crazy!

UPDATE...

What else is new with me other than being depressed?! hmm... lol NOTHING!!! Oh... I finished New Moon last week... or was it two weeks ago!?... IDK... but I'm done! It was sooo the bomb! I couldn't put it down... I read 6 chapters of the third book at my friends house last week... It seems like it's gonna be a good one as well... I don't think I'm going to read anymore for awhile though... I have two reasons... 1.) I want to see New Moon first... that way... I can remember what was in the book and compare the two... Kind of like what I did after I read Twilight... and 2.) I need to put away all distractions and focus on more important things... like my relationship with God! I'm trippin, man! 4real... I can only imagine how God must feel right now?!...

Jeremy and I are doing great... I had dinner with him and his family at his mom's house last night. I really enjoyed my time with them. They are really nice. His mom CAN COOK TOO, dude!!! After dinner we watched, "Imagine that"... you know... the movie with Eddie Murphy and this adorable little girl! It was pretty good... After everyone went to bed, Jeremy and I chilled for awhile. I realized in that time how much I love him! (oops... did I just say that?!) It seems a little early to say that... but that is honestly how I feel about him. I may even sound crazy... but I don't care. Jeremy is like no other guy I've dated... I used to say that I've been in love before. Now that I'm with Jeremy I'm beginning to question if I even loved the other guy! Weird! This feeling is wayyy different than what I felt then. This relationship has changed me! I trust this guy completely... I share things with him that I wouldn't dare share with many people!... I feel safe when I'm with him... I'm pretty sure I've handed him my heart and trust that he will do no harm to it! This is sooo not like me!!!!

Last night we had a conversation about these girls at our church who are beginning to show interest in him. At first, I was scared... scared that I would lose him... scared that he would find the girls more attractive... more mature! I've always felt that I wasn't good enough for him! After talking about it, I'm a lot more confident in myself and our relationship. I don't think I ever grasped how much he cares for and adores me before that conversation. Communication is key in our relationship... Because we are sooo transparent with each other we are able to be so free... in our thoughts... in our feelings! I don't have to worry... and if I do worry... I can just go to him and everything be cleared up right then!!!... He makes me happy!!!... even through my state of depression!!! :)

Anyway... that's enough... I'm out for now! :)

Until next time,

P-CE!