Little Girl Dreams

"Dreams are often altered in reality."-- a good friend of mine in the Navy, Jymyaka

I was talking to one of my wise friends the other day, Stephanie. I say wise because she is near 50... lol, and she helped me accept an extremely hard truth.

She asked me what my dream was for my wedding. Oh and I went IN!! I told her all of my dreams, down to the age I wanted to be, the theme of the wedding, the style of the reception... She heard it ALL and I didn't miss a detail! Lol Of the dreams i mentioned, only one of them came true so far and
that is: I will be married at 25. That's something I always knew though, believe it or not. Ever had that feeling in your gut that something was gonna happen the way you dreamed it would?? Well that's how i felt about that one. I KNEW I would be married at 25. Dream fulfilled. Moving on...

Everyone who knows me knows that I am very passionate about weddings. I love to attend them. I love planning them in my head. I love everything about them. My dream was to have a big wedding... Mordern, romantic theme... My reception needed to be a family style setting and the Dj and dance floor had to be right!!!! That was my dream. My reality is: I don't like a lot of attention on me... I don't want people staring at me as I walk down the aisle, or when I'm staring my hubby in the eyes while expressing our love for one another, and God-forbid people watching us as we exchange our first kiss. My reality is: I am way too private for a big ceremony... And being completely vulnerable in front of a crowd is NOT HAPPENING. So no wedding ceremony for us! My fiancé and I have decided to go to the courthouse and make it as quick as possible. Now the reception is another story!! I was just given GREAT news about a venue that I want. WORK IT OUT JESUS!! Details coming soon...

Lastly, I dreamed that on my wedding night I would give my husband the best gift that I could possibly give him-- my virginity. I always LOVED God's plan for sex and marriage.... Even as a little girl... So I've waited. Waited for the night where I trust my husband completely with my body and we share in a night of expressing our love for each other in a way that we never have before. Part of that dream, for me, meant that he would not wear a condom. Well, that dream has been altered as well! Boo. Due to fear, I put off making an appt with a gynecologist until last Thursday. Birth control started soon after. Because we're not sure how my body will respond to it and sex is happening SOON, we've decided to use protection."No, no, noooooooooooo!!!!!!!" Guys, of all the dreams I've had for the wedding process, I took THIS ONE the hardest. This is where I thank God for older friends. Lol When I shared this part with her she hit me hard with truth!! In her lovingly, blunt way, she told me that I have a choice to make: "Either you hold on to your lil girl dreams and risk getting pregnant, or you do what it takes to enjoy life with your husband. " I laughed so hard at " lil girl dreams" but she was so right!! It's the main reason for this blog!! I'm allowing MY WILL for myself to get in the way of such a joyous time in my life. It's only temporary. My lil girl dreams were altered... So what!! God's plan is so much better than what any little girl could think of. I've accepted that now.

I will forever remember those words when I find myself getting upset because life didn't happen the way I thought it would.

Let go of that little girl dream and accept what God has in store for you!! God has been too good not to..

Whew, chile!!! That shonuff blessed me!! Lol

Ok, I'm done!!

Until next time....

God moments.

Last Tuesday, I went to Schlotzsky's Deli for their awesome $2.99 pizza special and had an encounter with four of the sweetest male preteens. As I drove around the building, they simply smiled and waved. First of all, I fell in love with them immediately because that is something I would do! Lol I LOVE waving at strangers! Second of all, how many little boys do you know are that kind?? Okay, maybe I gave them too much credit. They could have been playing around and saying horrible things about people as they drove around. Lol They seemed different. Kind. *shrugs*

Anyway, "Cute!" is what I thought as I rolled my window down to place my order. After completing my order, paying, getting my food, blah, blah, blah.... I went back around the building wondering what the boys were going to do this time. My window was down, so as they smiled and waved, I heard them say, " GOD BLESS YOOOUUUUUUU!!" I smiled, waved, and sent the same blessings their way! Another screamed, "I think I've seen you before." Another screamed, " BEAUTIFUL!" Sweet. Maybe those boys go to my church.... *shrugs*

As I drove away I was tempted to turn back around and eat my dinner with them. Because that is not me AT ALL, I took my little happy tail back home.

What's crazy is that I felt AWFUL as I ate my food at home. I really felt like I was supposed to eat with them. WHAT IF that was an opportunity to speak life into them?! WHAT IF I was suppose to encourage them to continue to follow God with that joy I saw on them?! WHAT IF that was an opportunity for ME to learn from THEM?! I prayed for those boys and repented for not listening to God! "What ifs" are so freakin' lame and I don't want to walk in that... EVER again!

So yeah... God moments. That's what I've decided to call them. How often do we pass those by? There is always an opportunity to preach the gospel, to be a light, to show love. Take advantage of those moments. This world needs to see more of God in others!!!

Until next time,

-Jess-

CHRISTmas: Remember when...

I can't help but reminisce on how the Christmas season used to feel... in 2011, people are just way too caught up in their emotions. Instead of reflecting on Jesus' birth, everyone is reflecting on the death of loved ones and their lack of money! What the heck??...

Remember when people used to look forward to the first day of December!! That's the day that Christmas music officially started... the day Christmas movies started playing! The OFFICIAL COUNTDOWN TO FREAKIN' CHRISTMAS!!

Remember when being with family and enjoying traditions were all that really mattered!! I do... Every year I look forward to baking cookies for Santa, picking out matching outfits with my immediate family... and putting up the Christmas tree!! I have ALWAYS been responsible for placing the tree topper! lol Yep.. make the tall, skinny girl do it!

I'm sorry guys, but I am so sad for those people who can't find joy this Christmas season. I'm sad that life has distracted us from the REAL reason for Christmas!! It's crazy, man!!

Remember when Jesus was the reason for the season?? lol So lame, but 4real... remember when people focused on THAT TRUTH??

I remember ALLAHDAT!!

I WANT CHRISTMAS BACK... lol you know... the Christmas in the '90's! aaahahahaha! That just made me laugh out loud for real! Christmas in the 90's?? What the heck??

Anywhooo... I don't want much for Christmas!! If you can make my fiance' magically appear that would be awesome.. but if not.. how about finding joy this holiday season!! Enjoy the family that you have!! Those who have already passed away would want you to enjoy this season! If you don't have the money to buy gifts, simply share that! I'm sure your family and friends know your heart!! Go participate in an outreach project! I promise you will forget your problems rather quickly!

Anywhoo... I'm done!

♥ Stix

I just love LOVE!

Heeeeeeey.... (now that, THAT is out of the way...)

My company's "Holiday Party" was last Saturday and it was...umm... okay! They had a live band that played songs that I didn't know. The food was not the best either. The only thing that kept me from leaving were the games! We gambled with fake money in hopes to win more raffle tickets to place in the prize bowls... Speaking of that... the prizes weren't that amazing this year either. Last year the prizes included paying light bills and student loans, they were giving away airline tickets, and even had one of those money-blower booth thingys! This year the best thing was the iPad2.

I met this man though.

He was standing behind me in the drink line. I could tell he was the type that liked making small talk with random people. I can't remember how he started the conversation. I do remember asking him if he worked for the company. He told me that he didn't, but his wife was "the voice of the company." I thought he was saying that she worked in the call center. He looked around the room to point her out to me, but she was nowhere to be found. He said, "I don't know where she is, but she's wearing all black and she's BEAUTIFUL!" Yep... he said beautiful just like that... with all the excitement in the world. THAT completely melted my heart. He said they have been married for like 15 years.<-- (don't quote me on that part!) He went on to share how madly in love he STILL IS and how she makes him a better man! I LOVED IT!! He was a very happy type of guy. It's hard to explain his personality... He had a lot of joy... lol I'll put it that way! As he continued to talk, I thought he reminded me of this lady named Minnie.

I screamed... "MINNIE! Your wife is Minnie isn't she?" lol I WAS RIGHT! She is just as happy as he is! They are like the same, but different. She is so sweet and joyful. I absolutely love her. And like he said, she is "the voice of MedSolutions." She's the receptionist. She and I were once on the same team when we worked in a different department. Can you believe that?? I knew who his wife was based on his personality... his heart... his sweet spirit! He is who God made for her!! That's how it's supposed to be! Wow! I love it!

Anywhoo... I can't get over that conversation. I can't get over how madly in love they are and how much they complement each other! It is amazing!

Love is amazing! True love is amazing!!

:)

Anywhoo... Just thought I'd share what I've been thinking about for the last three days! lol

Until next time,
♥ Stix

He's Gone...

... and I have no earthly idea what to do with myself. I try to tell myself that this is no different from him being in Arkansas. Umm... WRONG! When Darius was in Arkansas, we talked during all three of my breaks and as soon as I got off from work. Now... well... I think to call him during all three breaks and as soon as I get off from work. Ugh. -__- This is hard.

We talked via email when he was in Germany at the beginning of the week. He also sent me the sweetest message on my Facebook wall. I'm assuming that he is in Afghanistan now because I haven't talked to him AT ALL! I NEED to talk to him. I NEED to know that he made it safely.

I made the mistake of googling Kandahar, Afghanistan today... Of course everything I found was about bomb explosions on U. S. bases! There was one yesterday and one person was killed. *faints* smh.. I never should have done that. I'm really freaking out now. LESSON LEARNED! Darius would be pissed if he knew that I did that.

::sigh:: UGH! I have to stop worrying. I mean, I prayed about it... and I trust that God is protecting him... or do I?? I'm working on that part!

Anywho, those who read this blog, pleast take a minute and send up a prayer for him! Thaaaankkkss!!

Signing off,

♥ Stix

Bridal Wars.

Soooo... I watched Bridal Wars for the first time EVER last night! While that was probably one of the best movies I've seen in a while, it brought up the worst feeling in the world. I was reminded of something that I've been trying not to think about yet alone voice! Ugh. Lets just say, when the movie ended, I cried like a freakin baby.

Remember how I blogged about my wedding plans not going like I thought they would? The only thing that makes sense is the LOVE we have for each other. Lol But, lucky for you, that is NOT what this blog is about.

When I thought about this period in my life, I imagined everything and EVERYONE coming together perfectly. I'm back at the drawing board with my plans and I have ONE friend, maybe two, in Nashville that I feel comfortable sharing it with. Why? This is not how I thought it would be. I thought there would be weekend slumber parties at my place with plenty of food and my bridal magazine collection. I pictured friends who were genuinely happy for me and wouldn't mind my random outburst of inspiration boards, bouquet arrangements, and theme ideas. Why at the happiest time in my life do I feel so darn lonely? Why do I feel like no one cares? Ok, two care. Why do I suddenly feel guilty when I bring up my wedding? And remember I'm speaking of my friends in Nashville, you know, the family I chose for myself? Smh. It shouldn't be this way, should it? I shouldn't feel like I can't talk about my wedding in fear that one of my single friends would feel depressed or like it will never happen for her. I shouldn't be questioning if a friend's "happiness" is genuine. Smh.

At one point, I blamed myself. "Maybe I'm being selfish. Consider the feelings of your friends and don't talk about your wedding." Well, I've tried that. And it feels wrong. I SHOULD be able to talk about my wedding without fear of my friend's feelings. I mean how much sense does that even make? It's MY WEDDING, OUR WEDDING *in case my babe reads this*! lol It should be about me... *us*. Right? Anyway, I thought I was over it. Clearly I'm not. I HAVE made the decision to be happy, regardless though. And those who can't find it in their heart to care about this new journey Darius and I are embarking upon can leave my life. You clearly weren't a friend anyway!

With that being said, that movie was the bomb! Lol Don't allow my dramatic blog to keep you away from it! I encourage you to check it out, if you haven't already. I recognize that I'M SO LATE!! lol It will definitely make you want to pick up the phone, call your best friend, and tell them how much you love them! OMG, what do you know, my BESTEST in the whole wide world just called. I told her that I was blogging and she told me to say hi to you guys! Lol Gotta love her!

Anyway, I'm done.

Until next time,

♥ Stix

Dr. Maya Angelou

Yesterday evening is one I'll never forget. I was able to sit in on a lecture by Dr. Maya Angelou. I NEVER imagined that I would EVER have the opportunity to be in the same room with her… Let me just tell you.. I've admired this lady since I was a little girl. I recited her poems in Black History Programs and I've done tons of book reports on some of her books. I admired her story. I admired her strength. I admired her courage. How could a little girl who didn't speak for six years be smart enough to read and relate to Shakespeare and Edgar Allen Poe? EAP "eep" was what she called him in her head. How could a little girl who thought her voice could kill grow up to be an amazing speaker and poet? I was inspired by her intelligence. It was the first "smart" person I knew... In my head.

I wanted to be like her. I wanted to be a poet and speak to the world in whatever language I chose that day! Lol So I wrote. Every day I wrote a poem. I have journals full of poetry at home that I've shared with very few people. Then one day I stopped writing. I mean, I pick up my journal every now and then, but I don’t write nearly as often as I did. But moving on…

“When it looked like the sun wouldn’t shine, God put a rainbow in the sky?”

She sang those lyrics when she came out. She reminded us that we all have had rainbow experiences. And because God put those rainbows in our lives, it’s time for us to be someone’s rainbow. She encouraged us to live life with purpose. She also showed us what it's like to laugh and be funny. She's hilarious! I had know idea. I also learned that through her poetry, she quickly forgives. If she is angered by something or someone, she turns it into a poem that makes her laugh. She shared a poem called "Health Food Diner" that was soooo funny. It was inspired by a rude waitress at a health food diner who judged her for being a smoker! She hasn't smoked in over 20 years and even encouraged those who do to stop that night. I wonder if anyone made the decision to stop smoking that night. I would have. Lol Anyway, She said that she was going to have that poem and others put on Belmont's website. You better believe I'll be checking the website.

She recited a few of her favorite poems by other poets as well. Her love for poetry was so evident in that moment. With each poem, she took a deep breath as if she were channeling the character in the poem. She brought those poems to life! Poetry is more than just lines that rhyme to her. It's her passion! I was inspired by that. It even made me ask myself.. What am I THAT passionate about?? I don't think I know.

Another thing that I recognized was how tall she was. I remembered two guys assisted her to her seat on stage. Those guys were tall yet Maya was almost as tall as them. When she sat, I noticed that her legs were long like mine. I was still shocked to hear her say that she is 6'0". WE'RE THE SAME HEIGHT! In my head, she's my grandmother. Now, in fun, I'll share that I get my height from my grandmother Maya Angelou! Lol

"You're alright. Not only are you alright, you're just right."

I smiled when she said that. lol... That's my grandmama yall! She encouraged us to take risks and to say yes to every good opportunity that is presented to us. I tell you, it was a night to remember. : ) She called us “her children” which of course you know made me feel even closer to her. Lol I honestly felt like I was sitting in between her thighs getting my hair done while she poured wisdom into my life. It was that personal for me. I was sooo happy to be there and am glad that at the last minute someone encouraged me to go! It was awesome!

I was a “G” that night and recorded the entire speech after being told that we were not allowed to videotape it. *shrugs* I’m sooo glad I did. I can’t wait to listen to it again! Anywhoo.. I just wanted to share a night that I will cherish for the rest of my life…

Until next time,
♥ Stix

Social Networking.

Last week I made a commitment not to check my Twitter or Facebook for an entire week. I just wanted to see if I could do it. I have no real addiction to either one, but I did notice that I checked both every time I picked up my phone. And for those who don't know me... I pick up my phone a lot. Hmm... sounds like an addiction? *shrugs* Naww..

Day One:

I woke up and what did I do before thanking God for waking me up that morning or even putting on my freakin' glasses?? CHECKED TWITTER!! "What the heck am I doing?" was my first thought after realizing that I was doing exactly what I said I wouldn't. lol smh. I got up and read my daily devotion instead. I found myself doing this same thing throughout the day during my breaks at work. Every thought I had I wanted to post on TWITTER!! Why all of a sudden do my thoughts feel the need to be publicly displayed? THAT'S NOT EVEN LIKE ME! I don't like people in my head like that. smh...

Day Two:

I decided to tell my fiance' (smile) what I was doing. I figure if I told someone what I was doing, I would feel somewhat obligated to stick to my goal. Did it work?? Heck to the No. Maybe I should have blogged about it or something. *shrugs* I decided that every time I thought to check or actually checked these sites, I would STOP and PRAY!! Best decision I could have ever made. I developed a habit of praying that I didn't expect. HA! Man, I was talking to God all the time. "Ohh dang, God! I DID IT AGAAAAIIIINN!!" I was of course frustrated at first, but as I continued to pray, I felt better. It was actually pretty cool.

By DAY THREE, I was no longer Twitter or Facebook watching! I was really, slick over it. I thought about it, yes, but I didn't find myself checking those sites without really knowing. Is that not a scary thought to you? Developing such a habit of doing something that you end up doing it without much thought. HOW THE HECK DID THESE THINGS TAKE OVER MY LIFE? Why didn't my prayer life or devotion time with God work like that? LOL

With the extra time, I found myself being more productive in school and in my home activities. I don't think my apartment has ever been so clean... *coughs* All but my room anyway! lol

Yes, I'm back to enjoying the life of both Twitter and Facebook, but now I don't feel an obligation to check or comment either one. Honestly speaking, I could straight up delete them both and find something better to do with my time. *thinks about it* Naw, I'm straight. lol

But think about... Could you honestly go without Facebook or Twitter for a week? Try it and see how much time you have on your hands.

Anyway, work is almost over... I'll go ahead and publish this post! Disregard any errors... I haven't proofread this. I'm sure I'll regret it later!

Until next time,

♥ Stix

Boy meets Girl: Say hello to courtship

My fiance' (I just loooooove saying that *smile*) and I have a few books that we are reading together. One of them is called "Boy meets Girl: Say hello to courtship." Pastor Justin Cox of P4CM suggested it at the beginning of the year. We're not done with the book, but so far I am blown away. It has opened the door for great conversation between Darius and I and it has also taught me a thing or two about Godly relationships.

Without revealing too much, I'll say that this book clearly defines what it means to court. I've heard the word mentioned time and time again and would equate it to my grandparents dating back in the day. lol This book tells us otherwise. "Courtship is dating with a purpose. It's romance chaperoned by wisdom. It's a way of approaching relationships that can help us live out the truths of God's Word as we pursue our heart's desire." Sounds deep, huh?? It's really good. It's an easy read as well. It's not one of those lame, hard to read, how-to books. I promise. It's very interesting and many couples are referenced in many different scenarios.

Joshua Harris recommends this book to those who are single, in relationships, and those who are preparing for marriage. I can easily see how this is for all audiences. I think I would have done things differently had I read this book when I was single. He also suggested that those in relationships read it with your spouse. You would be surprised at the conversations it will spark.

Anywhoo... I'm done! Check it out if you're looking for a good read!

Until next time,

♥ Stix

24.

(Written the day after my birthday)

Now that I've had time to reflect, I'm ready to write. I've been doing a better job of counting my blessings, embracing my uniqueness, and making myself available to God. There is something familiar about this change.

When I was in the middle of my freshman year of college, I made a decision to change. At the time, change for me was to stop cursing, drinking, and partying. I recognized that those things were only getting in the way of my education and devotion to God. It was in no way benefiting my life. I was so dedicated to this change! I knew that God would be pleased and I knew my life would change. In my mind, I expected positive change. That change did come, but not immediately. I lost the friend that I was closest to in Murfreesboro. That hurt. I thought our friendship was more than a late night of drinking and clubbing. Like Jesus, I endured some pain to get to where God promised me. Also like Jesus, My life changed for the better. That time of loneliness turned out to be the best times spent with God. I eventually became apart of an amazing sisterhood where I felt safe. We all loved God. We all wanted to share the good news of Jesus Christ. I'm not saying we were perfect because we weren't. We fell, we got distracted, we lost hope....but we had each other. We held each other accountable.

I'm remembering that this morning. I'm remembering where I was mentally and spiritually when I decided to change. While cursing is the only thing that I didn't run back to, I'm not in that same place. There was reason behind my change. Now, I don't curse because it's something that I got used to. That's about to change. I'm getting back to a level of godliness that will not only please God but will be a witness to some young person out there... To anybody that God wants it to touch. The other day God encouraged me to remind a friend that our life is not our own! God put us here for a purpose and the devil will do everything in his power to distract us. Those same words are encouraging me this morning. Who wants to die not knowing why God put us here? I don't.

So today I'm making some changes. I will commit to every promise that I make to God. Christian complacency is no longer my life. I surrender to you, God! Use me as I am... Remove what's not like you. Give me the courage to BOLDLY proclaim that YOU ARE LORD!

I recognize that this type of commitment only gives the devil reason to "try me", but I'm no longer afraid. I don't fear evil.... Not when I serve a God with such power! I mean, really, devil! You don't stand a chance! LOL Like my friend posted on FB yesterday, "Devil, I STILL WIN....GIVE UP!" LOL I feel you, Cristti.

Anyway, I'm done. Be encouraged.

♥

Stix

Blessed.

I'm doing a better job of counting my blessings lately.

My grandmother and I had an amazing conversation after I shared with her how blessed I am to have all four of my grandparents. I saw each one on Sunday and they all gave me little pieces of wisdom that I couldn't wait to journal about. After I shared a few of my blessings, my grandmother did the same. I didn't realize how proud she was of us! As she shared them, tears begin to fall from her eyes. It was beautiful. I have to admit though,..it was the SLICKEST cry I have ever seen. I almost want to say that her eyes were just watering. I wish I could cry like that! LOL


Anyway, I encourage everybody to start counting your blessings everyday. It takes your mind completely off of the things that were worrying you before!

...:::Today:::...

I am blessed to have family and friends who support and love me unconditionally.

I am blessed to have an amazing fiance' who values who I am and strives to make me happy.

I am blessed to have a good paying job that offers quarterly bonuses AND BUYS US FOOD ALL THE TIME!! lol

I could go on and on...

Seriously though, I am already smiling. Never mind the other things that were bothering me earlier... I have God, friends, family, a boo, and a JOB! I'm good! HA!


In other news, Darius will be in town tomorrow!!! I AM GEEKED! I've missed him so much!


Until next time,
♥ Stix

STRESS-FREE PLANNING

I'M 417 DAYS FROM MY WEDDING!!!....


and so ready to ELOPE!

I've spent most of my life planning my wedding, but NOT ONCE did I think about the many personalities that would show their faces during this process. I always imagined it being stress-free. I always imagined it running smoothly and everyone kind of just going with the flow with what I had in mind. Nope not the case!!

...::sigh::... Why can't that be my reality?

I would encourage anyone who is single or almost married, lol, to mentally prepare for the different personalities that WILL come your way! Whew... the announcement of your engagement alone will bring out many wolves!! *interceding for you now, my friend*

AND ANOTHER THING! I've always KNOWN who was going to be in my wedding... Thanks to my amazing fiance' who doesn't want a circus wedding, my wedding party is a lot smaller than I wanted. I'm honestly okay with that now. That decision made the bridesmaid situation less stressful.

Here's the thing though, I have to figure out what to do with all of my friends! It would be a lot easier if Darius and I didn't have so many siblings that I would like incorporate in the wedding. I just might have to add my homies to the guest list..... I'm still trying to figure that part out.

...::sigh::.... At the end of the day, I'm just ready to be married!!

I talked to my big sister from St. Louis today who encouraged me to just breathe and take a step back. There is so much that Darius and I would like to have set in stone before he is deployed, but right now, I have to chill. I'll probably step back into planning and making decisions next week. That is when Darius will be in town and when we meet with a wedding planner. My prayer is that she will help guides us in what is already a STRESSFUL PROCESS!

*takes a deep breath* MOVING ON...

It's amazing to see this process first hand-- my reality! It's going so much differently from what I imagined, that's for sure!

LOL... Word of Advice, ladies.... STOP PLANNING YOUR WEDDING! IT'S NOT GONNA GO THE WAY YOU PLANNED!!

The colors that I've always dreamed about---CHANGED!

My bridesmaids--CHANGED!

My wedding location-- CHANGED!

LOL! Seriously though, It kind of makes sense. How can you plan a wedding without your fiance'? To hand him all of the ideas that YOU came up with by YOURSELF, is a little selfish...don't you think? Besides, it's much more fun with him by your side.

Darius gave me a lot of control in the decision making process at first and to be honest I was upset about it. (I know... I was shocked by it myself.) I thought that he didn't care. You'd be surprised how involved you will want your fiance' to be!! Things have definitely changed! He and I talk about it a lot more now and it's not forced! He's genuinely excited. I just received an email from him today with a possible photographer for the wedding and engagement photos. It made me smile!

Anyway, there's my vent for the day!!


Have a blessed week!!

♥ Stix

The best weekend EVER!

Guys!!

I've been trying to write this blog for a few days now. I've never thought about or over-analyzed a blog since I've started blogging.

I can't seem to make it as perfect as I feel it needs to be.. It's a bit frustrating.

I'll just blog as I usually do and allow how I feel to take over!!

I'll start here:

"I'm engaged!!!"

To the most amazing man in the world! I've never felt so LOVED, so COVERED, so FREE in all of my years of dating. It feels good to know who God created just for me. It's a relief to know that the man I am DEEPLY in love with is just as much... IF NOT MORE in LOVE with me! I am sooo happy!!

He's so kind, so loving, and SO BEAUTIFUL. I am sooo attracted to him. I have THEE tall, dark, and handsome man that most women dream about!

Man... I'm so lucky. Darius is not just any guy. Anyone who knows him will agree. You know how most men hide their feelings, leaving their mates confused and sometimes hopeless?? Not my baby... LOL! I think I WAS THE MAN in that area. This time, I hid my feelings... for so many reasons. Thank God he wasn't afraid to express what I SO BADLY wanted share with him!

Anyway.. see... I'm going in so many directions with this! UGH! lol.. I LOVE JUST LOVE HIM!.. know that!

Now... how did it happen?

He came in town the weekend of the 4th of July so we could just spend some time together. Saturday, we drove to Memphis for a family BBQ and so he can meet some of my folks. I'll spare the details. Just know, we had a great time. We ate well and my family LOVED HIM!!

On our way back to Nashville, I took a nap. My head was killing me. He encouraged me to rest (see, so not selfish!). He woke me up when we were about 45 minutes away... He wanted to talk. My headache was on TEN at this point, but I didn't let him know. I think it's so rude when people fall asleep on me while I'm driving, so I felt somewhat bad for leaving him hanging.

We talked while he played some music on his Ipod. After awhile, I realized that most of the songs had something to do with love or marriage! I asked him if he had made a mix and he said "Naw, it's just a shuffle." He showed me the "shuffle" sign on his Ipod... I believed him, but still felt like something was up!

We were turning into my apartment complex when "Marry Me" by Train played. As soon as the song played, I knew what it was. It's one of my favorite songs right now. My eyes immediately teared up! That's nothing new though... That song just does that to me. I'm a hopeless romantic... Anything concerning love and/or marriage takes me there!..

So anyway... Darius told me that he heard that I liked that song. I asked him who told him that, but he wouldn't share. I was trying so hard to figure that out... so much so that I didn't remember anything else he said! The only thing I remember was that we were sitting outside of my apartment and he told me to go check on Shiloh while he made a phone call..

That's exactly what I did. I took Shiloh out to use the bathroom and when I came back up to my apartment, the door was locked. I knocked with the slightest bit of irritation... lol Why?... Idk.. I'm just weird like that!

He opened the door and as I walked in I saw a box of Tom's in my apartment. I HAVE BEEN WANTING A PAIR OF TOMS FOR SOME TIME NOW! I was sooo excited about them.

Me: "Is that a box of Toms??"
Darius: "Yea, man! You should try them on."


I sat on the couch and opened the box of Toms... There was a ring box in one of the shoes. When I looked up, he was down on one knee. *insert big smile here*

He expressed his love...as did I and BAM.. just like that... I became Darius' fiance!!!... at around 9:30pm on July 2,2011.. I'll never forget that day! :)

I found out later that the phone call he was making was to my mom! I called her a little later to tell her that I made it home. I could hear in her voice that she had the biggest smile on her face and was anxious to hear how I responded!

LOL! It was great. The next hour or so was devoted to notifying friends and family of the big news...

My headache was on 100 at this point. I was soooo happy and in SO MUCH PAIN at the same time! I eventually had to stop making calls to shower and lay down. I had to come down from the excitement and that headache that wouldn't go away!

...,::sigh::....

So yea.. I'm engaged and I'm sooo happy! He and I have already started making plans. We both can't wait until it's over! I'm just ready to be Jessica Northern. *insert BIG CELIE SMILE here*

lol... Anywhoo...

Below is the playlist!!

Playlist

1.) My Love, My Enemy-- Dave Barnes

2.)Stop This World-- Neyo

3.) Someday Soon-- Francesca Battestilli

4.) Sayido-- Musiq

5.) Guardian Angel-- Ryan Leslie

6.) That's Why I Love You-- The Light

7.) God Gave Me You-- Dave Barnes

8.) I Choose You-- Ryan Leslie

9.) Let's Get Married-- Al Green

10.) Marry You-- Bruno Mars

11.) Waiting For You-- Matthew West (*one of my favs on this list)

12.) More & More-- The Light

13.) No One Else-- Amiel Larrieux

14.) When I Say I Do-- Matthew West

15.) Marry Me-- Train (*LOVE THIS SONG)

*still smiling* God, I love that dude!

Anywhoo.. I'm out!


Until next time,

♥ Stix

T.G.I.F.!!!

OMG!!

What a week!! It started out kind of rough, but God came through like He always does and made everything ok!! Here's a quick synopsis:

Monday-- Started my cycle. (-__-) "Whomp Whomp!"

Tuesday-- I broke my phone and was told I would have to file a claim and pay $100 to get another one... even though I have a warranty!... "Wait... What??"

Wednesday-- Came home to a cut-off notice from NES at my door... (-__-)
"Could it get any worse.. God...! Don't answer that!"

Thursday-- Went back to a different Sprint store to see what they could do... They ordered me a phone without any questions!! Should get that on Monday! "Wow, God, that was easy!"

Friday-- My dad paid my NES bill for me!! "OK, GOD, that was definitely YOU!"


Thank God for showing up... cuz um... I don't know what I would have done if He didn't! He knows just how much I can bear.. and I was right at the edge of the cliff! lol

Have a great weekend, guys!

Until next time,
♥ Stix

Last Michelle Obama post.. I THINK!

Color blocking... The Obama way! I think it works!!! Awesome..

And another thing... HER FAVORITE COLOR IS LAVENDER!!! SO IS MINE!!! lol

and I'm done!

Until next time,

♥ Stix

Michelle Obama HAS STYLE!

... but you knew that already!

I mean really... Look how beautiful she is!!!....THEY ARE!...

So.. I just read the article on The Obama's visiting Nelson Mandela!! Crazy, right?! He actually SENT FOR THEM!! At the end of the article were 147 photos of the fabulous Michelle Obama and her many looks!! I went IN!!

I AM TOTALLY inspired by her look! She's tall, beautiful, and she can WEAR A DRESS! I always feel like dress shopping after looking at her outfits... AND I DON'T EVEN WEAR DRESSES LIKE THAT!!! LOL ANYWAY...

I love her style!... Oh and guess what... SHE WEARS CHUCK TAYLOR'S!! YEA BOI!! lol

Let me find out she has a tattoo... Better yet... I don't need to know that! I would go crazy! lol

Below are a few pics that I fell in love with!!! Enjoy!

SEE!... IT DON'T GET "NO BETTA" THAN THIS!!! SERIOUSLY! #slain

... AND AGAIN! Looks like GRAY CHUCKS! LOVE IT!

.... ANNNNNDDDDD AGAIN!!! Purple Chucks go HARD! LOVE.

This has less to do with fashion AND MORE to do with LOVE! Their love looks so PERFECT!

This has that "Fly Moma Swag" look to it!! LOVE. I love everything about this pic!!! The dress is so cute!!! "MOMMY AND DADDY!"
SIMPLE.. BUT ELEGANT!! Did they have an argument or something?? No mushy stuff. :(
STUNNING!!... UMM.. I don't like when they aren't holding hands!!! lol

Even her business suit swag gives me life...!

She looks amazing in this!!!.. If your body doesn't look like this, your body AIN'T RIGHT! LOL

I would wear that outfit.. just like that!!! BICEPS AND ALL! Work, Michelle! PLEASE!

I'm walking down the aisle at my wedding, nervous as crap, I look over at Michelle Obama and she gives me a "Thumbs Up." Just what I needed to calm my nervous. So glad the photographer captured that!---- *I live in Dreamland* lol

I mean, if you're going to dress down...Why not dress down with a summer dress and a bun! YAS

Animal print and lace?? THIS. I LOVE.

I mean seriously! Who wears floral like her??? I love it!

Are you just as obsessed with Michelle Obama and her fashion as I am?? Check out this site... <----It'll bless you... No worries.. You can thank me later!!

Anyway, I should be working! lol

Until next time,

♥ Stix!

MusiqInTheMagiq

Let's talk about this cd that I can't get over.


I've never been a huge fan of Musiq Soulchild. I blame my best friend, Sequoia, who played his first album like it was the only cd in the world. I HATED HIM and I had no reason other than I was tired of hearing those same songs. Oh how the tables have turned. Since buying MusiqInTheMagiq about a month ago, I literally can't stop playing it.

My boyfriend encouraged me to buy the album and while I was totally against it, I decided that I would give Musiq another try. This cd does so much for me. I don't know if it's because I'm at a place where I can now relate with most of the songs, or what... but at the end of the day... THE CD GIVES ME LIFE. It has a cool, mellow groove to it-- I would sum it up as FEEL GOOD music mixed with relatable lyrics and beasty singing!! Call me mushy, but I have to say this album celebrates love in such a beautiful way!

Musiq has that smooth, sexy voice that most love songs need. His voice makes each song personable. Listening to "sayido" makes me want to do just that. Hearing "yes" makes me believe that Musiq and I were meant to be together forever. lol... Seriously!

MusiqInTheMagiq has it's ballads as well as a few hip, up-beat songs that can be played while on the road or while cleaning.... Believe me, I've played them while doing both!

I would call it one of his best, but don't take my word for it. After all, I'm not his biggest fan. My suggestion would be to get it for yourself and watch it bless your life. I can listen to this entire cd without skipping a song, but of course I have my favorites. Check them out below. The songs in bold are those REPEAT songs!! lol

2. single

3. sayido

4. lovecontract

5. silver&gold

6. waitingstill

10. yes

11. medicine

If you haven't already, GO BUY THE ALBUM! I can't stress this enough! It's that LOVE album you need... I think so anyway!

Until next time,

♥ Stix!

Shiloh.

Yesterday was a big day for me.


Stressful, BUT BIG!!! Keep reading...


Remember how many times I've blogged about either wanting a dog or hoping to receive a dog pretty soon?? Well... after many blogs of those things never happening... I decided to focus on those things that HAVE happened! It just seems to work better that way! lol

Anjelica and I had been texting back and forth about her co-worker's dog having puppies. Of course I told her I wanted one! I would have to wait about two months for him to be weaned and he would be all mine... AND FOR FREE!

I was geeked! I only shared it with maybe a handful of people just to get it out of my system. and now...I'm happy to say that as of yesterday, I am a mommy to the cutest Dachshund/English Bulldog mix... also known as a Miniature English Bulldach. His name is Shiloh.




He is absolutely adorable. LOUD... but super cute. He has the long back and face of a dachshund but the broad shoulders and wide feet of a bulldog. The top of his head is a little wrinkly too! lol So cute. He's about six weeks old and missing his mom like crazy. We had a pretty rough night last night, but after he got in the bed with me he slept like a baby. I'm pretty sure that's a bad habit to start, but I can't help it. He's my little baby.

The behavioral problems are definitely there and I am already googling ways to stop them. He's a bit frisky. He pounces at things like a lion. Ok... it's SO cute, but I know that can become a problem. He has bumped his head against my legs a few times as if he were charging at me. He even barked! lol I can already tell he's gonna be one of "those dogs." You know... the kind that believes they are a lot bigger than they are. He also bites. His teeth are just growing in so I'm sure he's just teething or something... Wait... Do dogs teethe?!
*one second while I google this...*


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Ok... Yea they teethe! I think that's what is going on. I haven't even bought chew toys. smh. What was I thinking?? I'm gonna do that as soon as I get off!

So yea, I'm happy! Not so sure about my neighbors though. He whined something serious when I left. :( Imagine how hard it was for me to leave this morning. I can't WAIT to get home.


I haven't told my apt complex about the dog yet. I'll let them discover him on their own. I hope I don't get snitched on by my neighbors. lol We shall see, I guess. I don't want to have to pay the dog fee until I HAVE TO...


That is all...

More pics coming soon...

Until next time,
♥ Stix!

5 years later...

It's been five years.

Wow.

These five years have gone by so fast....

My feelings about my hair haven't changed much since last year. I still have those days when I am SO IN LOVE with my 'locks and get really proud when I think about how far I've come with them. Not a lot of people are able to do it...

And then there are those days when I'm looking up different hairstyles to try when I cut them off. Right now,... if I were to cut my 'locks I would get a perm and rock the "Rihanna-bowl like" haircut. I'm not sure if it's still in style, but I still want it. Of course it wouldn't be exactly like hers... I want a peak in the back with the sides slightly shaved... See... CLEARLY I've given this a lot of thought.

If you've thought that much about it, why haven't you cut it off yet?

Fear....

I'm afraid that if I cut it then I'll regret it. What if the texture of my hair changes and it's not as thick as it once was??... I LOVED my hair permed. It was sooo perfect. I always received compliments on it... What if my hair doesn't look the same with a perm??#fear.com

My wedding day...

I REALLY want long hair on my wedding. I'm pretty sure if I cut my hair this year, I WOULD NOT have long hair on my wedding day... Yes, I could get weave, but I'm just not feelin' the weave thing! It all looks fake to me! **shrugs**

I still haven't done enough..

There are some things that I want to do before cutting them off... Like:

--Trying out different hair colors

-- Going back to a loctician regularly... ( I want to see if there is much of a change as far as growth if I had someone properly taking care of it.)

-- Cut it in a cool style... (I don't HAVE to do this one... I think about it sometimes tho...)

So yea... Five years later and not much has changed. My 'lock experience has been cool. I guess it's just getting old! **shrugs**

Enjoy the pics...

**Happy 5th Birthday, 'locks!!**

Isn't it funny that my "5-year 'lock" pic is pretty much the same as my "4-year 'lock" pic. LOL







Pay more attention to my 'locks than my crazy faces! lol Sorry... I GOTSTA do betta!

Until next time,

♥ Stix!

Keep pushing...

"You are not the product of your circumstances. You are a composite of all the things you believe, and all the places you believe you can go. Your past does not define you. You can step out of your history and creat a new day for yourself. Even if the entire culture says, 'You can't.' Even if every single possible bad thing that can happen to you does. You can keep going forward."--Oprah

**Be Inspired.**

Until next time,

♥ Stix!