Little Girl Dreams

"Dreams are often altered in reality."-- a good friend of mine in the Navy, Jymyaka

I was talking to one of my wise friends the other day, Stephanie. I say wise because she is near 50... lol, and she helped me accept an extremely hard truth.

She asked me what my dream was for my wedding. Oh and I went IN!! I told her all of my dreams, down to the age I wanted to be, the theme of the wedding, the style of the reception... She heard it ALL and I didn't miss a detail! Lol Of the dreams i mentioned, only one of them came true so far and
that is: I will be married at 25. That's something I always knew though, believe it or not. Ever had that feeling in your gut that something was gonna happen the way you dreamed it would?? Well that's how i felt about that one. I KNEW I would be married at 25. Dream fulfilled. Moving on...

Everyone who knows me knows that I am very passionate about weddings. I love to attend them. I love planning them in my head. I love everything about them. My dream was to have a big wedding... Mordern, romantic theme... My reception needed to be a family style setting and the Dj and dance floor had to be right!!!! That was my dream. My reality is: I don't like a lot of attention on me... I don't want people staring at me as I walk down the aisle, or when I'm staring my hubby in the eyes while expressing our love for one another, and God-forbid people watching us as we exchange our first kiss. My reality is: I am way too private for a big ceremony... And being completely vulnerable in front of a crowd is NOT HAPPENING. So no wedding ceremony for us! My fiancé and I have decided to go to the courthouse and make it as quick as possible. Now the reception is another story!! I was just given GREAT news about a venue that I want. WORK IT OUT JESUS!! Details coming soon...

Lastly, I dreamed that on my wedding night I would give my husband the best gift that I could possibly give him-- my virginity. I always LOVED God's plan for sex and marriage.... Even as a little girl... So I've waited. Waited for the night where I trust my husband completely with my body and we share in a night of expressing our love for each other in a way that we never have before. Part of that dream, for me, meant that he would not wear a condom. Well, that dream has been altered as well! Boo. Due to fear, I put off making an appt with a gynecologist until last Thursday. Birth control started soon after. Because we're not sure how my body will respond to it and sex is happening SOON, we've decided to use protection."No, no, noooooooooooo!!!!!!!" Guys, of all the dreams I've had for the wedding process, I took THIS ONE the hardest. This is where I thank God for older friends. Lol When I shared this part with her she hit me hard with truth!! In her lovingly, blunt way, she told me that I have a choice to make: "Either you hold on to your lil girl dreams and risk getting pregnant, or you do what it takes to enjoy life with your husband. " I laughed so hard at " lil girl dreams" but she was so right!! It's the main reason for this blog!! I'm allowing MY WILL for myself to get in the way of such a joyous time in my life. It's only temporary. My lil girl dreams were altered... So what!! God's plan is so much better than what any little girl could think of. I've accepted that now.

I will forever remember those words when I find myself getting upset because life didn't happen the way I thought it would.

Let go of that little girl dream and accept what God has in store for you!! God has been too good not to..

Whew, chile!!! That shonuff blessed me!! Lol

Ok, I'm done!!

Until next time....

God moments.

Last Tuesday, I went to Schlotzsky's Deli for their awesome $2.99 pizza special and had an encounter with four of the sweetest male preteens. As I drove around the building, they simply smiled and waved. First of all, I fell in love with them immediately because that is something I would do! Lol I LOVE waving at strangers! Second of all, how many little boys do you know are that kind?? Okay, maybe I gave them too much credit. They could have been playing around and saying horrible things about people as they drove around. Lol They seemed different. Kind. *shrugs*

Anyway, "Cute!" is what I thought as I rolled my window down to place my order. After completing my order, paying, getting my food, blah, blah, blah.... I went back around the building wondering what the boys were going to do this time. My window was down, so as they smiled and waved, I heard them say, " GOD BLESS YOOOUUUUUUU!!" I smiled, waved, and sent the same blessings their way! Another screamed, "I think I've seen you before." Another screamed, " BEAUTIFUL!" Sweet. Maybe those boys go to my church.... *shrugs*

As I drove away I was tempted to turn back around and eat my dinner with them. Because that is not me AT ALL, I took my little happy tail back home.

What's crazy is that I felt AWFUL as I ate my food at home. I really felt like I was supposed to eat with them. WHAT IF that was an opportunity to speak life into them?! WHAT IF I was suppose to encourage them to continue to follow God with that joy I saw on them?! WHAT IF that was an opportunity for ME to learn from THEM?! I prayed for those boys and repented for not listening to God! "What ifs" are so freakin' lame and I don't want to walk in that... EVER again!

So yeah... God moments. That's what I've decided to call them. How often do we pass those by? There is always an opportunity to preach the gospel, to be a light, to show love. Take advantage of those moments. This world needs to see more of God in others!!!

Until next time,

-Jess-