Bridal Wars.

Soooo... I watched Bridal Wars for the first time EVER last night! While that was probably one of the best movies I've seen in a while, it brought up the worst feeling in the world. I was reminded of something that I've been trying not to think about yet alone voice! Ugh. Lets just say, when the movie ended, I cried like a freakin baby.

Remember how I blogged about my wedding plans not going like I thought they would? The only thing that makes sense is the LOVE we have for each other. Lol But, lucky for you, that is NOT what this blog is about.

When I thought about this period in my life, I imagined everything and EVERYONE coming together perfectly. I'm back at the drawing board with my plans and I have ONE friend, maybe two, in Nashville that I feel comfortable sharing it with. Why? This is not how I thought it would be. I thought there would be weekend slumber parties at my place with plenty of food and my bridal magazine collection. I pictured friends who were genuinely happy for me and wouldn't mind my random outburst of inspiration boards, bouquet arrangements, and theme ideas. Why at the happiest time in my life do I feel so darn lonely? Why do I feel like no one cares? Ok, two care. Why do I suddenly feel guilty when I bring up my wedding? And remember I'm speaking of my friends in Nashville, you know, the family I chose for myself? Smh. It shouldn't be this way, should it? I shouldn't feel like I can't talk about my wedding in fear that one of my single friends would feel depressed or like it will never happen for her. I shouldn't be questioning if a friend's "happiness" is genuine. Smh.

At one point, I blamed myself. "Maybe I'm being selfish. Consider the feelings of your friends and don't talk about your wedding." Well, I've tried that. And it feels wrong. I SHOULD be able to talk about my wedding without fear of my friend's feelings. I mean how much sense does that even make? It's MY WEDDING, OUR WEDDING *in case my babe reads this*! lol It should be about me... *us*. Right? Anyway, I thought I was over it. Clearly I'm not. I HAVE made the decision to be happy, regardless though. And those who can't find it in their heart to care about this new journey Darius and I are embarking upon can leave my life. You clearly weren't a friend anyway!

With that being said, that movie was the bomb! Lol Don't allow my dramatic blog to keep you away from it! I encourage you to check it out, if you haven't already. I recognize that I'M SO LATE!! lol It will definitely make you want to pick up the phone, call your best friend, and tell them how much you love them! OMG, what do you know, my BESTEST in the whole wide world just called. I told her that I was blogging and she told me to say hi to you guys! Lol Gotta love her!

Anyway, I'm done.

Until next time,

♥ Stix

Dr. Maya Angelou

Yesterday evening is one I'll never forget. I was able to sit in on a lecture by Dr. Maya Angelou. I NEVER imagined that I would EVER have the opportunity to be in the same room with her… Let me just tell you.. I've admired this lady since I was a little girl. I recited her poems in Black History Programs and I've done tons of book reports on some of her books. I admired her story. I admired her strength. I admired her courage. How could a little girl who didn't speak for six years be smart enough to read and relate to Shakespeare and Edgar Allen Poe? EAP "eep" was what she called him in her head. How could a little girl who thought her voice could kill grow up to be an amazing speaker and poet? I was inspired by her intelligence. It was the first "smart" person I knew... In my head.

I wanted to be like her. I wanted to be a poet and speak to the world in whatever language I chose that day! Lol So I wrote. Every day I wrote a poem. I have journals full of poetry at home that I've shared with very few people. Then one day I stopped writing. I mean, I pick up my journal every now and then, but I don’t write nearly as often as I did. But moving on…

“When it looked like the sun wouldn’t shine, God put a rainbow in the sky?”

She sang those lyrics when she came out. She reminded us that we all have had rainbow experiences. And because God put those rainbows in our lives, it’s time for us to be someone’s rainbow. She encouraged us to live life with purpose. She also showed us what it's like to laugh and be funny. She's hilarious! I had know idea. I also learned that through her poetry, she quickly forgives. If she is angered by something or someone, she turns it into a poem that makes her laugh. She shared a poem called "Health Food Diner" that was soooo funny. It was inspired by a rude waitress at a health food diner who judged her for being a smoker! She hasn't smoked in over 20 years and even encouraged those who do to stop that night. I wonder if anyone made the decision to stop smoking that night. I would have. Lol Anyway, She said that she was going to have that poem and others put on Belmont's website. You better believe I'll be checking the website.

She recited a few of her favorite poems by other poets as well. Her love for poetry was so evident in that moment. With each poem, she took a deep breath as if she were channeling the character in the poem. She brought those poems to life! Poetry is more than just lines that rhyme to her. It's her passion! I was inspired by that. It even made me ask myself.. What am I THAT passionate about?? I don't think I know.

Another thing that I recognized was how tall she was. I remembered two guys assisted her to her seat on stage. Those guys were tall yet Maya was almost as tall as them. When she sat, I noticed that her legs were long like mine. I was still shocked to hear her say that she is 6'0". WE'RE THE SAME HEIGHT! In my head, she's my grandmother. Now, in fun, I'll share that I get my height from my grandmother Maya Angelou! Lol

"You're alright. Not only are you alright, you're just right."

I smiled when she said that. lol... That's my grandmama yall! She encouraged us to take risks and to say yes to every good opportunity that is presented to us. I tell you, it was a night to remember. : ) She called us “her children” which of course you know made me feel even closer to her. Lol I honestly felt like I was sitting in between her thighs getting my hair done while she poured wisdom into my life. It was that personal for me. I was sooo happy to be there and am glad that at the last minute someone encouraged me to go! It was awesome!

I was a “G” that night and recorded the entire speech after being told that we were not allowed to videotape it. *shrugs* I’m sooo glad I did. I can’t wait to listen to it again! Anywhoo.. I just wanted to share a night that I will cherish for the rest of my life…

Until next time,
♥ Stix

Social Networking.

Last week I made a commitment not to check my Twitter or Facebook for an entire week. I just wanted to see if I could do it. I have no real addiction to either one, but I did notice that I checked both every time I picked up my phone. And for those who don't know me... I pick up my phone a lot. Hmm... sounds like an addiction? *shrugs* Naww..

Day One:

I woke up and what did I do before thanking God for waking me up that morning or even putting on my freakin' glasses?? CHECKED TWITTER!! "What the heck am I doing?" was my first thought after realizing that I was doing exactly what I said I wouldn't. lol smh. I got up and read my daily devotion instead. I found myself doing this same thing throughout the day during my breaks at work. Every thought I had I wanted to post on TWITTER!! Why all of a sudden do my thoughts feel the need to be publicly displayed? THAT'S NOT EVEN LIKE ME! I don't like people in my head like that. smh...

Day Two:

I decided to tell my fiance' (smile) what I was doing. I figure if I told someone what I was doing, I would feel somewhat obligated to stick to my goal. Did it work?? Heck to the No. Maybe I should have blogged about it or something. *shrugs* I decided that every time I thought to check or actually checked these sites, I would STOP and PRAY!! Best decision I could have ever made. I developed a habit of praying that I didn't expect. HA! Man, I was talking to God all the time. "Ohh dang, God! I DID IT AGAAAAIIIINN!!" I was of course frustrated at first, but as I continued to pray, I felt better. It was actually pretty cool.

By DAY THREE, I was no longer Twitter or Facebook watching! I was really, slick over it. I thought about it, yes, but I didn't find myself checking those sites without really knowing. Is that not a scary thought to you? Developing such a habit of doing something that you end up doing it without much thought. HOW THE HECK DID THESE THINGS TAKE OVER MY LIFE? Why didn't my prayer life or devotion time with God work like that? LOL

With the extra time, I found myself being more productive in school and in my home activities. I don't think my apartment has ever been so clean... *coughs* All but my room anyway! lol

Yes, I'm back to enjoying the life of both Twitter and Facebook, but now I don't feel an obligation to check or comment either one. Honestly speaking, I could straight up delete them both and find something better to do with my time. *thinks about it* Naw, I'm straight. lol

But think about... Could you honestly go without Facebook or Twitter for a week? Try it and see how much time you have on your hands.

Anyway, work is almost over... I'll go ahead and publish this post! Disregard any errors... I haven't proofread this. I'm sure I'll regret it later!

Until next time,

♥ Stix

Boy meets Girl: Say hello to courtship

My fiance' (I just loooooove saying that *smile*) and I have a few books that we are reading together. One of them is called "Boy meets Girl: Say hello to courtship." Pastor Justin Cox of P4CM suggested it at the beginning of the year. We're not done with the book, but so far I am blown away. It has opened the door for great conversation between Darius and I and it has also taught me a thing or two about Godly relationships.

Without revealing too much, I'll say that this book clearly defines what it means to court. I've heard the word mentioned time and time again and would equate it to my grandparents dating back in the day. lol This book tells us otherwise. "Courtship is dating with a purpose. It's romance chaperoned by wisdom. It's a way of approaching relationships that can help us live out the truths of God's Word as we pursue our heart's desire." Sounds deep, huh?? It's really good. It's an easy read as well. It's not one of those lame, hard to read, how-to books. I promise. It's very interesting and many couples are referenced in many different scenarios.

Joshua Harris recommends this book to those who are single, in relationships, and those who are preparing for marriage. I can easily see how this is for all audiences. I think I would have done things differently had I read this book when I was single. He also suggested that those in relationships read it with your spouse. You would be surprised at the conversations it will spark.

Anywhoo... I'm done! Check it out if you're looking for a good read!

Until next time,

♥ Stix

24.

(Written the day after my birthday)

Now that I've had time to reflect, I'm ready to write. I've been doing a better job of counting my blessings, embracing my uniqueness, and making myself available to God. There is something familiar about this change.

When I was in the middle of my freshman year of college, I made a decision to change. At the time, change for me was to stop cursing, drinking, and partying. I recognized that those things were only getting in the way of my education and devotion to God. It was in no way benefiting my life. I was so dedicated to this change! I knew that God would be pleased and I knew my life would change. In my mind, I expected positive change. That change did come, but not immediately. I lost the friend that I was closest to in Murfreesboro. That hurt. I thought our friendship was more than a late night of drinking and clubbing. Like Jesus, I endured some pain to get to where God promised me. Also like Jesus, My life changed for the better. That time of loneliness turned out to be the best times spent with God. I eventually became apart of an amazing sisterhood where I felt safe. We all loved God. We all wanted to share the good news of Jesus Christ. I'm not saying we were perfect because we weren't. We fell, we got distracted, we lost hope....but we had each other. We held each other accountable.

I'm remembering that this morning. I'm remembering where I was mentally and spiritually when I decided to change. While cursing is the only thing that I didn't run back to, I'm not in that same place. There was reason behind my change. Now, I don't curse because it's something that I got used to. That's about to change. I'm getting back to a level of godliness that will not only please God but will be a witness to some young person out there... To anybody that God wants it to touch. The other day God encouraged me to remind a friend that our life is not our own! God put us here for a purpose and the devil will do everything in his power to distract us. Those same words are encouraging me this morning. Who wants to die not knowing why God put us here? I don't.

So today I'm making some changes. I will commit to every promise that I make to God. Christian complacency is no longer my life. I surrender to you, God! Use me as I am... Remove what's not like you. Give me the courage to BOLDLY proclaim that YOU ARE LORD!

I recognize that this type of commitment only gives the devil reason to "try me", but I'm no longer afraid. I don't fear evil.... Not when I serve a God with such power! I mean, really, devil! You don't stand a chance! LOL Like my friend posted on FB yesterday, "Devil, I STILL WIN....GIVE UP!" LOL I feel you, Cristti.

Anyway, I'm done. Be encouraged.

♥

Stix

Blessed.

I'm doing a better job of counting my blessings lately.

My grandmother and I had an amazing conversation after I shared with her how blessed I am to have all four of my grandparents. I saw each one on Sunday and they all gave me little pieces of wisdom that I couldn't wait to journal about. After I shared a few of my blessings, my grandmother did the same. I didn't realize how proud she was of us! As she shared them, tears begin to fall from her eyes. It was beautiful. I have to admit though,..it was the SLICKEST cry I have ever seen. I almost want to say that her eyes were just watering. I wish I could cry like that! LOL


Anyway, I encourage everybody to start counting your blessings everyday. It takes your mind completely off of the things that were worrying you before!

...:::Today:::...

I am blessed to have family and friends who support and love me unconditionally.

I am blessed to have an amazing fiance' who values who I am and strives to make me happy.

I am blessed to have a good paying job that offers quarterly bonuses AND BUYS US FOOD ALL THE TIME!! lol

I could go on and on...

Seriously though, I am already smiling. Never mind the other things that were bothering me earlier... I have God, friends, family, a boo, and a JOB! I'm good! HA!


In other news, Darius will be in town tomorrow!!! I AM GEEKED! I've missed him so much!


Until next time,
♥ Stix

STRESS-FREE PLANNING

I'M 417 DAYS FROM MY WEDDING!!!....


and so ready to ELOPE!

I've spent most of my life planning my wedding, but NOT ONCE did I think about the many personalities that would show their faces during this process. I always imagined it being stress-free. I always imagined it running smoothly and everyone kind of just going with the flow with what I had in mind. Nope not the case!!

...::sigh::... Why can't that be my reality?

I would encourage anyone who is single or almost married, lol, to mentally prepare for the different personalities that WILL come your way! Whew... the announcement of your engagement alone will bring out many wolves!! *interceding for you now, my friend*

AND ANOTHER THING! I've always KNOWN who was going to be in my wedding... Thanks to my amazing fiance' who doesn't want a circus wedding, my wedding party is a lot smaller than I wanted. I'm honestly okay with that now. That decision made the bridesmaid situation less stressful.

Here's the thing though, I have to figure out what to do with all of my friends! It would be a lot easier if Darius and I didn't have so many siblings that I would like incorporate in the wedding. I just might have to add my homies to the guest list..... I'm still trying to figure that part out.

...::sigh::.... At the end of the day, I'm just ready to be married!!

I talked to my big sister from St. Louis today who encouraged me to just breathe and take a step back. There is so much that Darius and I would like to have set in stone before he is deployed, but right now, I have to chill. I'll probably step back into planning and making decisions next week. That is when Darius will be in town and when we meet with a wedding planner. My prayer is that she will help guides us in what is already a STRESSFUL PROCESS!

*takes a deep breath* MOVING ON...

It's amazing to see this process first hand-- my reality! It's going so much differently from what I imagined, that's for sure!

LOL... Word of Advice, ladies.... STOP PLANNING YOUR WEDDING! IT'S NOT GONNA GO THE WAY YOU PLANNED!!

The colors that I've always dreamed about---CHANGED!

My bridesmaids--CHANGED!

My wedding location-- CHANGED!

LOL! Seriously though, It kind of makes sense. How can you plan a wedding without your fiance'? To hand him all of the ideas that YOU came up with by YOURSELF, is a little selfish...don't you think? Besides, it's much more fun with him by your side.

Darius gave me a lot of control in the decision making process at first and to be honest I was upset about it. (I know... I was shocked by it myself.) I thought that he didn't care. You'd be surprised how involved you will want your fiance' to be!! Things have definitely changed! He and I talk about it a lot more now and it's not forced! He's genuinely excited. I just received an email from him today with a possible photographer for the wedding and engagement photos. It made me smile!

Anyway, there's my vent for the day!!


Have a blessed week!!

♥ Stix