lol!!! Ok... I'm fine! :)

"Be strong in the Lord. Never give up hope. You're gonna do great things. I already know. God's got His hands on you. So, don't live life in fear. Forgive and forget. But don't forget why you're here. Take your time and pray.... Thank God for each day. His love will find a way. These are the words I would say." - Sidewalk Prophets

God DOES freakin' love me!!!!

I feel so much better, guys!!! God is the bomb!! A day or two after my last depressing blog I woke up with that song, "These are the words I would say" on my mind. I didn't know the name of the song at the time and I didn't know the first two lines. All I could sing was "You're gonna do great things. I already know... These are the words I would say." It bothered me that I couldn't remember that, but I wasn't messed up about it... I went about my day! As I was driving to work the song came on. I really had the opportunity to listen to the sing and it changed my life. That guy was straight up singing to me, encouraging me to look to God... don't give up... You're great... You WILL do great things! I needed that! So after getting the first line of the song I realized it was in the bible... somewhere! I did my research and found out it was Ephesians 6:10. Of course I decided to read the whole passage. Ephesians 6:10-20 is titled in my bible "The Armor of God." It was just what I needed. After reading it I thought... "Wow, God DOES freakin' love me!" He was there for me even though I had given up. He gave me a song that LITERALLY CHANGED MY WAY OF THINKING! It helped me think positively even though I didn't want to... because at the end of the day... "HIS LOVE WILL FIND A WAY!"... God has everything worked out! I just have to live my life... Thank Him for each day... and Have faith that THIS WON'T BE MY LIFE FOREVER! :) Another thing this song did was, as you can see, force me to read the bible again. I realized that when I stopped reading... I gave up on God... I wasn't meditating on the Word... How can I expect to get help... if I don't read!! lol Wow... anyway... So you guys KNOW I had to learn how to play this song! I play and sing it every now and then to keep me motivated... to keep my spirit lifted! I love that song. I need to find a way to contact those guys and thank them for being obedient and writing such a RIGHT NOW song!

Wow... it doesn't stop, huh?!

Church was the bomb Sunday.... and again SO FOR ME!! Our bishop preached on "Our heart's Song." I felt so convicted that entire sermon. He talked about how we have to stop singing these sad songs when people ask what's going on with us. We have to stop being so negative and praise God anyway! I kept thinking... "Wow... God and PEOPLE are probably so tired of me and my heart's sad, depressing song!" After the sermon was over a lady named Sister Augustine came up and told us what God had put on her heart. She said that she could see women jumping out of a ship... basically giving up. Something our first lady mentioned earlier triggered this vision. I then saw myself jumping off of the ship. She said that's exactly what the devil wants. He wants us to be so fed up that we give up... He wants to keep us from looking to Jesus or even saying Jesus when we don't know what else to do. I immediately got mad. That's exactly what I did. I gave up... instead of looking to God... I jumped off of the freakin' ship! HOW STUPID! lol I cried and took my butt right up to that altar.. I don't know what everyone was saying at that point. I talked to God... asked for forgiveness... declared some things... and sang a NEW song to Him! :)

So guess what guys... NO MORE SAD BLOGS! I can't afford to keep hurting God like that! He's been way too good. I'm done complaining! lol... Another song just came to mind... I'll leave it with you!!!

"Count it all joy and always remember.... Life will get better. It's gonna get better. No matter the weapon, it will not prosper. Things will get better. It's gonna get better!" -Kirk Franklin

Again... that's in the bible. James 1:2 "My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations" (KJV) Read the whole chapter... Life changing! ...

Isaiah 54:17 "No weapon formed against you shall prosper, And every tongue which rises against you in judgment You shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, And their righteousness is from Me,'Says the LORD."(NKJV)

Anyway, I'm about to do my hair and watch a movie!!!!!!

Until next time,

P-CE!!!

"JESUS.... TAKE THE FREAKIN' WHEEL!!! "

HELP!!!!

I don't know what the HECK is wrong with me!!! I'm sooo not myself these days! Ever since I came back from Memphis, I've been in this funk that I can't explain. All I want to do is sleep...sleep... and sleep some more!!! I've tried lifting my spirits... doing more to keep my mind off of where I am in life... but it's not working!... Wait... I just got a revelation! There's my problem... I'm doing everything in my OWN STRENGTH!!! I haven't talked to God about it... I'm not spending enough time with Him.... I just gotta step my game up... and FOCUS!!!! I'm depressed because I've allowed myself to be... I don't have to be this way... I can easily look to God and allow Him to handle it... but it doesn't seem as easy as it used to... WHAT THE HECK?!... Ugh!.. let me stop before you guys think I'm crazy... lol... Reading back over it... I'm beginning to think I'm crazy!

UPDATE...

What else is new with me other than being depressed?! hmm... lol NOTHING!!! Oh... I finished New Moon last week... or was it two weeks ago!?... IDK... but I'm done! It was sooo the bomb! I couldn't put it down... I read 6 chapters of the third book at my friends house last week... It seems like it's gonna be a good one as well... I don't think I'm going to read anymore for awhile though... I have two reasons... 1.) I want to see New Moon first... that way... I can remember what was in the book and compare the two... Kind of like what I did after I read Twilight... and 2.) I need to put away all distractions and focus on more important things... like my relationship with God! I'm trippin, man! 4real... I can only imagine how God must feel right now?!...

Jeremy and I are doing great... I had dinner with him and his family at his mom's house last night. I really enjoyed my time with them. They are really nice. His mom CAN COOK TOO, dude!!! After dinner we watched, "Imagine that"... you know... the movie with Eddie Murphy and this adorable little girl! It was pretty good... After everyone went to bed, Jeremy and I chilled for awhile. I realized in that time how much I love him! (oops... did I just say that?!) It seems a little early to say that... but that is honestly how I feel about him. I may even sound crazy... but I don't care. Jeremy is like no other guy I've dated... I used to say that I've been in love before. Now that I'm with Jeremy I'm beginning to question if I even loved the other guy! Weird! This feeling is wayyy different than what I felt then. This relationship has changed me! I trust this guy completely... I share things with him that I wouldn't dare share with many people!... I feel safe when I'm with him... I'm pretty sure I've handed him my heart and trust that he will do no harm to it! This is sooo not like me!!!!

Last night we had a conversation about these girls at our church who are beginning to show interest in him. At first, I was scared... scared that I would lose him... scared that he would find the girls more attractive... more mature! I've always felt that I wasn't good enough for him! After talking about it, I'm a lot more confident in myself and our relationship. I don't think I ever grasped how much he cares for and adores me before that conversation. Communication is key in our relationship... Because we are sooo transparent with each other we are able to be so free... in our thoughts... in our feelings! I don't have to worry... and if I do worry... I can just go to him and everything be cleared up right then!!!... He makes me happy!!!... even through my state of depression!!! :)

Anyway... that's enough... I'm out for now! :)

Until next time,

P-CE!